Is it cyclonic winds gently propelling birds to the skies; or is it the slow burn, the perpetual – at times suffocating – heat, the type that turns water into islands? True love, if such a thing exists, has proclaimed itself elusive of me; the hubris. Having travelled beyond the horizons, setting foot now where whales dare sail, from the very pit of my heart I ask, what else is there?
The love shared between three innocent children, eyes dull leaving the bus only to awaken once again upon entry. Eras spent, year after year, company giving colour to the monotonous monoliths restricting the sunlight: settle down, you’ll get your playtime. The consistent joy of start to finish never quite dawned on me: free floats the transient wind.
The fabricated love, that which society eggs and begs…the oohs and aahs and the prom nights; all culminating into one nice, Disney fairy tale. And before you know it, suddenly there’s a person next to you, for you…who kinda only knows you. A life less lived but a life most approved, A-Ok is stamped the crown that complies: love the reward. No, not the altitude that carries my tune. Down there is an insane cacophony of echo-chambers and faux falsettos.
Down the small chambers that carry whatever make of the night you desire, and up the paper chimneys of smoke and you’ll arrive. You’ll arrive at the burning desires that’ll consume the night. Each carrying their own, offering the whole so that – just for the night – they can feel what it’s like to hold another whole. It swirls and the emotions come as they go, they mix as they flow and before you know it…you’re chasing the very thing you were running away from; carrying your head to that lemonade, that aqua de vida. That’s right, she’s livin’ da vida loca and you crash and you burn till you can’t anymore. Till all the faces start to merge, till you’re left with nothing to offer but a shallow shell. The night’s young, wait a moment; the night’s done, do whatever you want. Where I come from, to stop so repeatedly while forcing the self to continue to move…it’d make a cyclone puke. Masterful, I tell you; such free movement, and all the while traversing these one-time-use lovers relatively unscathed.
But the most violent of winds must too, settle. And so, I came to rest. Gave in to a magnificent shore, offering to fill the emptiness with many an ol’ tale. However, some lighthouses carry ghosts of times long gone. Such powers resist to be moved, set; they simply want to own. For the life of me wasn’t a lease deed – and honestly, I’m really just a cool caress on an otherwise still day – I left, in my wake many ruins of guilt, longing, regret; I left it all behind.
Sweet lilies, filling my soul with a steady warmth. Finally, a peace engulfed me. A presence, calming all the waters I brew daily. Lilies blossoming on a long road, one final travel; the journey we all seek and my bandwagon was ready. True love, what else is it but the person who becomes your home. No need to share the day, it doesn’t matter because the scene is here, with you. All the swallowed rage, sleepless nights calming whatever ate the brain…speeding on roadways, just to get closer. The whole world vanishing around those big round eyes… Let me say this, you can’t beat a wind as transient as me; but you sure can cheat it: would you rather illusion, or anger’s profusion?
What is it that you seek, experienced traveller, in these whisperings of mine? I have travelled the world; from exchanging souls on the subway – a glance held for a moment more – to impassioned nights, after nights getting stronger with each second passing. Which version of true love is it that seems to think it eludes me, the one that shattered me or the same one that put me beyond stratosphere? I’ve danced with the stars and I’ve survived the deepest depths of the ocean; no pressure was too great, that my love couldn’t surmount. All the mountains crossed, have panned the lands and will still do; till the winds of my last breath. All of love is true, come, let me show you that one version that’d best suit you.
Written on Wednesday, May 15, 2021
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